Scrub a dub dub

It's the last stretch in the pregnancy now. You all know the emotions of this time. The doctor tells you it can happen any day and the first thought other than joy is, "I have to get the sink scrubbed!"
Why of course is not of consequence at this point. All that matters is you have this precious child on the way and you need your house clean. Now, despite the fact you have never probably scrubbed your sink before really doesn't matter either. It needs to be clean! Can the baby reach that? Of course not. Further more by the time the baby can reach it, it will probably be completely filthy again. However it must be done! While your at it you need to get your carpet steamed and curtains scrubbed too. Also the corner behind the couch....

Honestly it is no wonder we go into labor....
We are working to hard cleaning.....

The Seven Dwarfs of Pregnancy

We all know the timeless tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. A lovely story about a young girl and some amazing friendships that help her along her journey to of course true love with Prince Charming. How many of you know about the Seven Dwarfs of Pregnancy? Ha! I got you there, didn't I? Well, let me fill you in on this story. Once upon a time in a land not so far away and time not so long ago, there lived a young woman. She had already met her Prince Charming and enjoyed her time at work. When the mood caught her she would even whistle while she worked. As time passed she grew restless and desired to have a little prince or princess. Charming after a few months joined in on this dream and within a short time baby Charming was on the way. After a short time she was visited by her first two Dwarf friends, Nausea and Dizzy. After a few weeks of pleasant encounters with these two they brought over three more friends, Happy, Grumpy, and Teary. Now Happy, Grumpy, Teary, Dizzy, Nausea, and the heroin in this story lived together in near harmony for about three months when along came dwarf friend number six. Sleepy. Sleepy seemed to take precedence over the other Dwarf friends for a short time. This did not bother the other Dwarfs, for they all knew their time with the lovely woman would come again. After about four more months all the Dwarfs came to again take their turn with the lovely lady, bringing with them their final Dwarf friend, Droopy. Droopy of course is named such for the long droopy tummy that is his most prominent feature. Now, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy, Teary, Dizzy, Droopy, and Nausea all live happily together for what has been determined to be two more months........Sigh....Don't you just love happy endings?

It's my potty and I can cry if I want to!

This journal post may come as insulting to some. The dance..... You all know the dance of which I speak. The "Yay for potty dance!" The dance ordinarily thought of as just for toddlers. This is the dance that we moms do with our little ones when they finally figure out how to use the toilet instead of their diaper. Right? Oh contrare my friends! Little did you all know this is the exact same dance that pregnant women do every day, every time we actually make it to the bathroom. We also dance all the way to the bathroom. Imagine just sitting on the couch minding your own business when suddenly, your baby decides she wants to wiggle a little. Where does this angelic child wiggle to? Why directly on top of the bladder of course. Now at first this is not so bad. But then to make things really fun for mommy she needs to give it a good sure punch! This is where the dance begins. You dare not get up right away or you will surely lose it! So you close your eyes and dream about your partner. In this dance the toilet is your partner of course. You look up and slowly lift yourself to a standing position. (Another punch!) You tighten every muscle and timidly cross your right leg over your left. Move one step and then cross your left over you your right. Step, step, pause. Step, step, pause. At this point the baby of course needs to really wiggle down hard into that spot. With a quick prayer that you can make it you break into a trot and waddle your way as rapidly as possible to your partner while exclaiming "It's my potty and I can cry if I want to!"A quick twirl and you have danced your way to the most amazing partner to ever partner a dance. Yay for potties! This of course ends the dance and you leave your partner with a knowing look that you will dance again very soon.

Sometimes we just need R & R

Any girl can relate to this one. At some point in our lives we just need a little reprieve from the insanity we call our lives. However I must admit that rampaging hormones seem to require this a little more often. You know how it always happens. It starts out with the average day dilemma. The dishes aren't clean. Dinner is 45 minutes behind schedule. Family is over at the house til the wee hours in the morning. None of these things are big deals, right? Yet, after about 100 of these little deals add up, we are ready to turn into basket cases. I don't mean those cute little fuzzy Easter ones with whiskers either. I am talking about completely frazzled baskets that have a growling button that is malfunctioning and roaring every three seconds. Now, let's put pregnancy hormones into the mix. This compounds the issue doesn't it? Minuscule issues that would not even have qualified as every day hassles suddenly become big deals. Now the moment we run out of Orange Juice we suddenly have a full blown roaring every second, eyes bulging, whiskers twitching, frazzled beyond hope basket. It's not my idea of a Happy Easter basket either! What do we do in such cases? We call mom of course! Sometimes we just need some rest and relaxation....

An ode to my toes

Little toes where art thou?
It has been so long since I have seen thee.
Where once you lay,
A protrusion rotund is all I see.

I can feel you wiggle
and move like thou art there.
Yet I can not see thee,
and am wondering how you fare?

Are you well little toes?
Does thou look still the same?
Or has thou taken on fluid?
And big toes, thou will need to be renamed.

Can I find thee?
Are ye on the other side of this mound?
Am I brave enough?
To even take a peek around.

I am and I must
for we have been parted far to long
There you are!
Alas! My heart doth burst into song!

Little toes you look well.
It's nice to thee my friend!
Little toes we must promise.
To not go so long before see each other again.

The List

I had been warned by many a pregnant woman that the baby sucks out your brain. I had also laughed at this thinking how funny it was to phrase it this way. It is true! I lost my brain completely about a month ago. How do I deal with this? I make lists. Lot's and lot's of lists! I have a list for business, a list for a social calendar, and last but not least a list for every day activity. This is the list of lists! This is the list that gets me through my day without walking around asking everyone what I am supposed to be doing. This list keeps track of every half hour in a day and gives me an activity to be doing in that half hour. For instance at this half hour I am to be eating lunch and checking my Facebook. Check and Check! Did I mention I put a check box next to every activity so I can keep track of what I have accomplished? If you are ever curious about what you do in a day I fully recommend that you try this list. 12:30...What am I supposed to be doing? Oh, that's right I am supposed to be taking a short nap! This will be followed by 1:30 in which I will be folding my laundry! Yay! I have a purpose for the next hour!

Pregnant contortions

When I became pregnant there were many things I expected such as nausea, difficulty breathing in later trimesters, and even the emotional roller coaster. However, if someone had told me I would learn to be a contortionist I would have laughed! I mean seriously, who can contort with a looming belly sticking way over where it ought to be. Yet it is that exact belly that requires a certain amount of skill in the art of contorting. This morning after playing peek a boo with my feet I realized that my nails needed some clipping. Hmm, this could be the cause of a dilemma. How do I reach my toes? My stomach will not allow for just bending over. It won't allow for bringing my foot straight up either. So of course the only option is for bending the leg up to the side. Yet, I still can't see to clip at this point. Okay! In that case, I shall now tilt my leg up to the left and my foot all the way to the right. How the heck did Charlie Chaplin walk like this? Well at least I can now reach toes one and two. But what about three, four, and five? Tilt foot clear to the left. Hey there is number three! Do four and five really matter that much? I didn't think so. Now onto better things. Whoops I better pick that sock up off the floor. As I stoop the only way I can I discover toes four and five. Can someone please hand me the clippers before I lose my toes again????